Wow. I am so sorry.

This past week has been a wreck for me-- An emotional, physical, mental wreck!

I started school. I am currently enrolled 16 hours but I am hoping to switch around the days so that I don't have to go on Saturday! Bleh. If I can't, then I am just going to drop that class bc with all of the other classes, it will only add more stress. I only go on average 3-4 hours a day, but my goodness, I never realized how tiring being pregnant is! I have already borrowed a rolling tote bag for when I get extremely in need of help. haha. I have lots of homework due Monday and Tuesday that I really need to work on, but I'm too exhausted to pick up those heavy books. lol.

Arnold and I had a good long talk the other night about our relationship. He has finally come to the realization that to be honest with ourselves, we will not work out. We just have worked for soooo long on being "perfect" for each other that we didn't even realize that it's just never going to happen. He wants me to be happy and he wants me to find someone that will make me happy...and I as well want that for him. But at the same time, my selfish desires want him back soooo bad. I miss the few happy times we had together. I miss having someone to share things with. I miss him. I guess I need to make a con list of our relationship and look at it everytime I feel like that. We both are very jealous people, and even though we say that we want each other to be happy, I get to where I hate thinking that he might be with someone else other than me! It stinks. And I have been through this before...the pain of heartbreak, although the pain level was much much lower...I know that I can expect someone even better, but right now, with HIS baby, all I can want is HIM. I don't know. I definitely need some wise council in this area, for sure.

My last friend just moved away to college. And what really stinks is that we just now reconnected after months of not talking. He is only an hour away but when I'm going through hard times like this, I need a friend to talk to and hang out with. And I do have friends here, but I'm sure you all know the difference between the different kinds of friends. He is the one friend I can talk to about everything and anything and he'll understand. He's fun to be around as well. I just wish I could be closer to him.

I went to the dr. on Wednesday. They did an ultrasound. The cysts have not gotten larger but not smaller either. So, its staying the same. Praise the Lord for that...I have a heartbeat monitor here at the apartment. I listen to the heartbeat often. Its so soothing to hear. I know that this baby is in the safest place it will ever be until it rests in heaven, hopefully later than sooner, but I am happy that I can offer a nice place for him or her. It comforts me that someone, even though they haven't even been born yet, knows that I am his or her mother.

Ok, I'm about to cry.

Well, I think that this has caused a need for a earlier bedtime tonight. lol.

Keep praying and I should keep you all posted soon.